XL and Mob
Source Ference Marketing & Communications, 817 Worthington Avenue, Clairton, PA 15025 For more information, contact: Mike Ference, (412) 233-5491: FAX = (412) 233-4765, Ference@icubed.com, www.ferencemarketing.com Spread the news the spread is fixed on Super Bowl XL Pittsburgh, PA - January 30, 2006 - It's official. Allegheny County Government has taken control of all current and former activities of organized crime throughout western PA. This announcement comes as no surprise as the Pittsburgh Steelers leave for Detroit in their quest for "one for the thumb." Is this the "fix" that former Mayor Tom Murphy was referring to before he left office? According to Wall Street insiders, it was just a matter of time before Allegheny County Government would take over mob operations in western PA. "It's a sign of the times for towns like Pittsburgh, where the mobsters were the only guys making money, and not paying any taxes to boot," says an insider. "It's just too tough to operate this type of family business nowadays. Regional government officials like the ones you find in Allegheny County are just so darn greedy," one mob insider reports from his pizza shop, as he empties his video poker machine, possibly for the last time. "There will never be another place quite like the Mon Valley to make an easy buck," he bemoans. Apparently, even attempts by local mobsters to infiltrate the government ranks proved fruitless, the insider adds. As one former mobster turned county employee, turned county jailbird says, "You worked with them. You did their landscaping on county time and you even went to their children's Holy Communion parties, but you could never trust those freakin' Allegheny County government guys." On the down side, the mob was always trustworthy, especially when it involved gaming. When customers hit on a number or picked the right spread on the Super Bowl, they knew there would be a payday. As a result, some industry analysts are taking a "wait and see" attitude on the new regime, and holding off on all bets for the Super Bowl XL. Many are wondering if the fix is in, and if the Steelers are destined to win this year's Super Bowl - unless of course the greedy Allegheny County Government could make more money with a Steelers team returning a loser. While no major changes in personnel are in the works, some individuals are expected to pull double-duty, at least for a while. The spokesperson for the DA's office will continue to talk out of both sides of his mouth; the left side will be for official county government business and the right side will handle organized crime announcements, unless of course he gets them confused. It's expected that the spokesperson will eventually consolidate his mouth movements and mumble from only one side of the mouth and that will serve to cover both types of county government affairs. Which side it will be, has yet to be decided. "It's thought that the District Attorney will take on the additional duties of consigliore while continuing to serve as nothing more than a political figurehead, something he's very good at," says one Grant Street watcher. There's speculation that someday the DA will become a judge and oversee a larger portion of the business. One change that is expected, according to Wall Street experts, is a name change. The Genovese name is out and the DeFazio name is in. The who's who in Allegheny County Government think it's the least they can do to repay Sheriff Pete DeFazio's shining example of a public servant's defiance in the face of those federal farts who wanted to clean up Allegheny County Government. Sheriff DeFazio's refusal to answer questions when he was called in to testify at a federal grand jury by taking the fifth didn't leave a dry eye in a courtroom filled with little old ladies clutching onto their rosary beads amidst the pungent smell of fresh garlic. Insiders are also hoping that the name change will serve as a reminder to other county officials, especially law enforcement underlings, of how the political game in Allegheny County is supposed to be played. There are some former county officials who feel betrayed. Long-time county supervisor Joe Moses says he never said a word about another corrupt official during his trial and he's still behind bars. "Where's the justice?" Moses asked as he packed away the last reminders of the holiday season while listening to his collection of Johnny Cash Christmas Carol CDs. Others feel that perhaps the naming rights could have, and should have, been sold to Sheriff DeFazio. Some of them include: DelMonte officials, who are said to be up in arms, as well as PNC Bank and Mellon Financial top brass. These companies may feel snookered by Allegheny County Government because they paid millions of dollars for the naming rights to Heinz Field, PNC Park and Mellon Arena, respectively. Likewise, Allegheny County Council members are worried. Why? Apparently, they have already spent the money they were hoping to raise by selling the naming rights to the Pittsburgh International Airport. Only time will tell the story, and so far the story has been very interesting. In the old days, no one could push mobsters around, but sadly, things are different in today's global economy where the good ol' boys network just ain't what it used to be. Several sons and daughters of former mobsters are glad they got out of the business when they had a chance. They admit that law school and medical school were tough, but having the cash to pay other students to take exams and do all the dirty work made it tolerable. They also admit that the rewards at the end of the rainbow have been worth it. Between medical liability insurance awards and fraudulent medical claims, life hasn't been this good since prohibition. From the comfort of the apartment they now share through the federal witness protection program, two former mobsters lament the changes they have seen just in their lifetimes. "Everybody snitches on everybody. There's no loyalty any more. What were we supposed to do?" For now, the pair spends time playing Hollywood rummy and reminiscing about the good old days. They both add that the changes we're seeing today began decades ago. Seems there was a young fellow by the name of Anthony "Tony" Boom Boom Bevilacqua, who along with fellow thugs hijacked a delivery truck filled with Halloween costumes. These weren't ordinary costumes; they were religious in nature - mostly gag priests' outfits and nuns' attire. "There was some good stuff-- bishop costumes and cardinal gear," as they recalled. According to the two snitches, Tony Boom Boom Bevilacqua showed up dressed as a bishop at an all-you-can-eat spaghetti dinner at a Catholic Church in the Bloomfield section of Pittsburgh - the rest is history. Eventually, Bevilacqua opened his own seminary where he sold off the priest outfits and nun clothes to persons released from psychiatric treatment centers for sexually dysfunctional men and women. Bevilacqua would then place the pseudo-priests in church parishes and the pseudo-nuns in Catholic schools where they could prey on little children. But Bevilacqua didn't care because he made sure the "priests" and "nuns" would kick back a share of the Sunday collection plate and the weekly Bingo take. This brought in a lot of money which Bevilacqua shared with the Vatican. In just a short time, Bevilacqua was up for a promotion to cardinal. Again, according to our sources, Bevilacqua used his position to further his second career as a mobster and became a made-man. Our sources described it as a buy-one-get-one free type of promotion that was offered by the Vatican back in those days. Eventually, Bevilacqua could see the benefits of partnering with Allegheny County Government. That's why the DA won't push for a grand jury investigation into clergy sex abuse cases in Pittsburgh even though Bevilacqua was a key player in the scathing report issued by the Philadelphia Grand Jury. The grand jury was established to review clergy sexual abuse in the Philadelphia Archdiocese and the Philadelphia DA's Office found plenty. But here in Pittsburgh, before Bevilacqua went off to Philadelphia, he made friends with the local media including the publisher and editors at the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, who often featured him in its Seen Column. It appears the partnership with the PG has continued with current Bishop Donald Weurl who has added his own media partners to the mix- KDKA radio and television, which are oftentimes referred to as the Catholic Channel. Apparently, Bishop Weurl has called in all of his markers to protect Bevilacqua from any type of investigation, so Wuerl is of little help in persuading Allegheny County Government to guarantee that the fix is in for the Super Bowl. Folks on the sidelines are betting St. Vincent College & Seminary will kiss goodbye to their longstanding relationship of hosting Steelers football camp every August. Fortunately, according to some former seminarians at St. Vincent College who are now incarcerated, there are plenty of things to kiss up at St. Vincent College and Seminary, although the Steelers were always number one on our list. Here's where it starts to get a little sticky. For years the mob and Allegheny County officials worked well together, but its seems like mobsters feared that if it didn't unload the western PA territory onto Allegheny County Government, and if outsiders (like Mary Beth Buchanan of the US Attorney's Office in Pittsburgh) tried to force the issue on clergy abuse crimes, the mob's near century-long history of no crimes against children, especially crimes of a sexual nature, could be in danger. And quite frankly, those gentlemen weren't willing to take the risk. For now, it's anybody's guess how this thing will play out. Like Wall Street insiders say, "We just have to wait and see as more and more County officials and employees get busted and end up in the slammer." Political pundits and Grant Street observers seem to be taking it all in stride, claiming it's just another day in Allegheny County politics. As for Tony Boom Boom Bevilacqua, you'll find him occasionally walking along the streets of Philadelphia's Little Italy. Neighbors say he wears pajama pants and mutters something about being the patron Saint of children's brothels in Mexico. A check with Vatican authorities revealed nothing, although it's rumored that canonization as a living saint may cost upwards of ten-grand, a figure many say is peanuts compared to what Boom Boom Bevilacqua was bringing in during his glory years as a bishop and cardinal. For now, Pittsburgh fans will continue to wave the Terrible Towel with hopes that their government officials won't screw up the Super Bowl too bad; knowing full well how badly they've already screwed up their home town. Links * Mike Ference